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I touch, because I care!!!

NO! NO! NO! You don’t understand, it is not Chichorapan (pervert behavior) if I touch a woman in my office with my oh so caring hands.

Why do people label me? Only because I am so successful, and the sole reason behind the company making profits on Year-on-Year basis. Whereas, they are still struggling to do the basic job.

So, if I treat a few set of employees, the way I want to, what is wrong with that.

As far as touching a fellow employee goes, I don’t think, there is any “inappropriateness” in this kind of behavior…I touch ONLY because I deeply care about every woman. I am a sensitive guy, who’s actions are often misunderstood.

You don’t believe me, then, read the following reasons:

  1. When I enter office, I like to greet everyone with a handshake…why would you make irritated faces…I was just giving you a handshake…come on women, learn to wish your BOSS!
  2. Now, occasionally I adjust my private part during a meet or in the cafeteria…How does that matter to you if I touch my private part in public? Why the hell are you feeling uncomfortable, even if you are, don’t make it obvious?
  3. I usually love to keep my team entertained. They deserve a good laugh. I know some women say that I can ONLY crack adult jokes. For those suckers, I can only say, “Oops!!! Your bad! You don’t have humor for my jokes”
  4. My department always complaints that I am partial towards interns, and especially young girls. Hey, I don’t agree to that. Giving gifts to girls is a way to reward and encourage them. I am such a team leader.
    In fact, I take them out for drinking and dinner for sheer rapport building. Mind you my friend, it’s not these girls who whine, it’s their seniors who call me names like tharki, chammdi, and so on. So, I am the one who must tolerate such utter rubbish.
  5. You know some women in my office don’t understand how lucky they are. The King in the office makes a pass at them…but those b!^$#^*s react as if I molested them. What a shame!
  6. What I don’t understand about these women, they are so comfortable giggling with another fellow male colleague, and if I expect the same, they bloody act like they are the ‘touch me not’ flower. Good luck getting promoted b!^$#^*s 😊
  7. I have even noticed that my stare bothers some women…hmmm…trust me women, your collared neck line and full sleeve kurta…isn’t doing any magic in my pants.
  8. So, I “accidently” brushed my hands against your chest, while I was just trying to teach you how to work on a presentation. You have no right to say, “Sir, don’t do that again” I think you should rather be grateful I am spending my priceless moments with you.
  9. I may be talking or even rating about your sex appeal. But, since I am discussing with my other male comrades you stop listening and mind your own business. Don’t waste time getting offended. You are not part of this discussion, so, keep your eyes on your screen and continue working.
  10. If a female comes to work, all DOLLED up, I know she is asking for compliments. And before I give compliment, it is a quite natural that I will scan you with my luring and oh so lusty eyes. I always know when I have to appreciate a woman. 😉
  11. Ahha!!! Please don’t even get me started on these Feminism and their types…that’s one “F” word which annoys me to the core. I don’t hire such women who even smell like feminists, which is why I consider myself generous because at least it’s better than firing them later.
  12. I had to change my assistant almost every six months, because they complaint that I kept hands on inappropriate parts of their body, most of them walk up to HR employee grievances. Like, that’s going to help them, even HR needs proof to take any action against me. Btw, even the HR Manager craves for my caring hands.

I am the right hand of the company…so dare anybody raises any questions…the company runs because of me…I am sure nothing wrong would happen to me. God forbid if it does, then only God can save the ones who mere sit on the top chair.


Dear Mr. Demoralized Profane Pig…I dearly pity jerks like you, who don’t know what they are doing. But, trust me there is no way I can say, “Forgive them…” because such behavior is unacceptable only towards women or men in general, but towards every living entity. You should know that your thought, “I touch, because I care” is without a doubt SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

I am no Mother T. who will go and help such jerks, realize their sin, nor I am Shahenshah or Shaktimaan who disguise myself and punish them. I am an average Indian employee, and in my opinion women are qualified enough to rescue themselves from such indecent behavior. There are laws that equip women to prevent and combat Sexual Harassment. To know more about it contact us at